WTF?

I just found out yesterday that GCC has cancelled my Spanish 102 class.   WTF??  How can that be?  There are several day classes.  If they had cancelled one of the day classes, maybe those students would have joined our night class.  It was the only night class.  I’m so upset!  This is not a good time to take a break in my language.  I’ll forget so much!  I was just awarded this awesome study abroad scholarship, and then they cancel my class….I just don’t get it.  I can’t take it as a day class.  My job will never authorize it.  They aren’t even reimbursing me this year, as I don’t really “need it” for my degree.  So if they don’t feel I need it, they are never going to authorize a day class.  I’m so sad about it.   I don’t know what to do!  I did an hour lesson online through NuLengua.  It’s done at Tecun Uman in Antigua.  I actually got my old professor!  It was cool to talk with him again!  I’ll have to investigate that, see if it’s accredited…if it’s worth working with him online in that way.  Maybe I’ll do it just to keep my skills, but I would want to get credit for it, so I can move on to other classes hopefully next semester.   Have I said I’m pissed about this??  Grrrrrrr

Work is…work.  I’m working as much OT as they’ll give me.  The extra money is excellent right now!  I really do love my job, although I have put my resume out there.  I’m not sure I’m where I’ll always be anymore.  I have doubts now, about my career…my future…my goals.  I want to make a difference.  I want to be excited again, about my lifework.  Is that so much to ask?  I’m thinking not so much.  Tonight when I was working overtime, one of my residents rolls up to me, in her wheel chair, and smiles at me.  I smiled back, and she laughed, and said, “Hi Sweetheart.”  I just looked at her for a minute.  I’ve worked with this woman for almost 7 years now.  She see’s me everyday.  To her, I DO make a difference.  That made me remember how much I can love my work.  I really love my residents. 

I get out at almost midnight, and my husband was outside, waiting for me.  He was picking me up.  We drove home together, with the windows down a bit…it was chilly out.  I could feel fall in the air, and it made me feel down.  I looked over at my husband.  In the darkness, lit only dimly by the dashboard lights, I saw him glance over at me.  He smiled, then faced the road again.  I smiled then, so happy that he loves me!  We chatted on the way home, about the kids, about money, about the rain that fell most of the evening.  We talked about nothing too serious, just chatted.   I love our time together.  Even if it’s only a few minutes stolen here and there.  We’re pretty good at making “us” time. 

We get home and 3 of the 4 kids here now, were still up.   I got some lovin’ from the girls, and they all went to bed within a 1/2 hour of my getting home.  I helped my husband clean up the kitchen, and he broiled me a piece of left over chicken from their dinner.  It was delicious!!  That, and a glass of diet pepsi, and I was a happy woman.   Now the kids are all sleeping, Jim is watching wrestling on TV and I’m blogging…I have tomorrow off, thank God!  We’re having a little birthday party for Becca’s boyfriend Dale.  He’s 20 tomorrow.  He has no idea we’re having cake.  His mom is coming over.  It should be a nice time.  I’m hoping that Jim and I can take time for a swim tomorrow night.  That is my ultimate relaxation.  I submerge in the water and swear I can SEE the stress leave my body.  It’s amazing.  I love it!  And Jim, bless him, comes with me, even though he could really care less.  lol  What did I do to deserve such an awesome mate?

Well I’m getting sleepy…and i’m chilly….and my belly is full.  All good ingredients for sleep!  Til next time   xoxo

 

Changes

My home is full again!  Kids everywhere.  The kids are once again filling my house with laughter, tears, dirty laundry…My son and his girlfriend drove up from Florida and stayed for several days.  That was great!  My daughter Kat came back home from Maine, done with her program there.  My other daughter  Becca and her boyfriend just moved in.  We went from empty to full in 60 seconds!    Joselyn comes home tomorrow.  She’s been in AZ for the past 6 weeks.  Tomorrow, all 3 girls will be home again!  It’s great, and crazy all wrapped up!  It’s going to be an adjustment for them all to be together again, sharing space.  And for Jim and I too!  We had gotten quite accustomed to being alone.  We like this better!  I love when the kids are around

Last weekend we had an awesome crazy party!  Jim’s family and my family, all partying together.  It was so fun!  We had a DJ, tons of food, and good times!  Heidi got trashed, Dan was responsible, and the kids were dirty dancing all over eachother in my yard.  Good times….good times.  People are laughing, dancing, singing, and I’m watching.  Watching all my friends and family.  Watching them intermingle.  Watching them enjoy eachother.  I felt old, watching my children.  They are adults!  When did that happen??  My husband was having such a great time with his family.  His niece, and his nephews were here.  Several people popped tents and stayed here.  I felt good, and safe, about that. Free, to let people have fun, free to have a few myself!  And knowing that people weren’t drinking and driving.  It allowed me to relax.  It was a great time.  One of my husbands nephews, Mike, had his son here with him, who’s 15.  He hadn’t seen his son since he was 3 yrs old.  His son, David,  lives in MO and I guess at this point in his life, he wanted to know his dad.  However it happened, it was really really cool.  The transformation in Mike was amazing!  He went from a virtual hobbit to a relaxed, fun, interactive guy!  He became a parent.  He became alive!  It was awesome.  I was really happy to meet David.   He looks just like Mike!  

After we pick up Joselyn at the airport tomorrow, we’re going to Mikes place so Joselyn can meet David.  They have been talking on the computer for quite some time.   They are excited to finally meet eachother!  Then David goes home the day after tomorrow.  Til next time!  And there will be a next time….MANY next times!  We’re going to stop and see Jim’s moms house tomorrow too.  It’s almost finished.   Jim and his brothers have pretty much re-done the place.  Ripped out bathrooms, cupboards, floors and re-did it all.  They filled the pool.  That made me cry. I have so many happy, happy memories around that pool, and I didn’t live there my whole life!  It made me so sad to fill it, like, it really felt…”gone.”  She felt really “gone.”  Jim took a tile from the pool, and has been engraving it.  It will say “Emil and Millies Family Pool” with the date it went in and the date it got filled.  It’s actually really cool!  I love it.  It’s so funny how people come, and go….how life comes, and goes.  How kids are born, and then they grow, and before you know it, your old.  Ok so we’re only early 40′s…..but damn it feels so old sometimes.  I think of Jims moms house.  He is the youngest of 7 kids.  His whole life was spent in that house.  He has a lifetime of memories there. Now the house is renovated.  Doesn’t even look the same.  Soon it will sell and have a new family making their own memories in it.  It’s just wierd to think of….

Tomorrow will probably be my last time in that house.  I’ll say my goodbyes tomorrow.  And leave it behind.  My husband and I will drive away, down Keans Rd., and towards another phase of our lives.    Goodbye to all the times we’ve had there.   Goodbye mom.   Goodbye….

YAY!

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I’m writing!

I woke up this morning, my husband sound asleep beside me, my cat sound asleep, curled against my feet, and the sun streaming in through my bedroom windows.  I glanced at the clock and it was only 7:15.  I contemplated snuggling up to my husband and falling back to sleep, but I kept opening my eyes and looking out at that glorious sunshine!  I got up…

I went to the front of my house, and noticed a note stuck into my picnic table, standing straight up.  I was curious…what’s that?  The joy of living at the end of the road, and having no kids in the house for the moment, I ventured outside, with not a stitch of clothes on.  Now, this may be more of a visual then you all need, but it was an amazing moment!  I walked straight off the little porch with no fear!  I’m at the end of the road.   I have no kids at home right now.    The dew on the grass was cold on my bare feet but the sun on my skin was warm and lovely.  I reached the picnic table and the paper was a note my husband had written to himself…haha and there I was, nosy and naked!  I stayed outside for a bit.  It was so warm and so quiet!  Then I ventured back inside, took a shower, and here I am….writing for the 1st time since I’ve been back from Guatemala.  A friend of mine told me the other day that I had to write!  I told her I have not been able to, since my return.  I don’t know why, it was just gone.  I couldn’t write!  She told me to fight that.  To write!  Last night, I sat here…and could not write.  This morning, it was like it was calling to me!   I feel inspired again!  And excited to write, to share.  Maybe more than you want to know, but I’m writing, just the same!  

My husband just woke up and wandered out.  It’s such an odd world, when the kids are gone.  We have the house to ourselves for 2 more weeks.  He asks me, “Hey, ya wanna go to breakfast?”  Let me think on that….YEAH!  So, we’re off to Campys, a lovely little diner here in Swanzey.  We love it there.  The people are so friendly and down to earth, the customers are the same, and we’ve made friends there.  The food is great, and suddenly, I’m very hungry!  Oh wait…I better get dressed 1st….

Peggy?  Thankyou.